Law School Not Such a Happy Place

…without the promise of a huge post-graduation salary urging you on.  I’ve noticed a fair amount of 2L’s/3L’s/laid-off associates posting dire things online, things like “DON’T EVER GO TO LAW SCHOOL!” etc.  Here’s the thing, though – the only people who are screwed are 2L’s, 3L’s who got no-offered, and laid-off associates.  Everyone else is going to be fine-just-fine.  We, however, are just unbelievably screwed.  The few things I’ve learned from trying to find a job in this mess:

On-campus interviewing is incredibly important.  I go to a decent-but-geographically-isolated school; our OCI got absolutely decimated.  Just destroyed.  And it’s been horrible.  The mass e-mail campaign is just not as good as OCI, no matter how good your credentials are.  In a down market, who the fuck wants to pay to fly you out when they’ve never seen you before and don’t know whether you have two heads or eight legs like a spider….?  Oh, man.   This is so bad.

Diversity career fairs seem to lead to a lot of callbacks to people who did them, way more than our OCI yielded this year to the same people – so you’ve controlled for the variable of personality there, right?  Of course, if you aren’t situated so as to be able to take advantage of such things, that’s useless. 

When the market tightens up, firms start drawing cut-off lines among schools, typically at the T-14 demarcation.  You’d think they would cut evenly across the board, but nope.  Top-of-the-class at a school that’s not in the T14 is pretty much shit in a market like this.

Geographic connections are pretty huge.  When the market tightens up, they don’t want to roll the dice on whether you’ll bolt after a year of collecting a salary.

Let’s talk about spaceships

…or anything except you and me, okay?

Preliminary Experiment Results

I was right, at least about the superheroes.  People looove reading about superheroes, apparently.  It seems like the new millenium has brought with it a revived interest in comic book superheroes.  Spider-Man landed first, in 2002, and it’s been a fairly steady stream of comic book movies since then, good movies, the best being last summer’s The Dark Knight. 

Could comic books and films based on comic books be re-emerging as an escapist response to the generally depressing 21st Century?  Since September 11, 2001, the United States (and the rest of the world) has faced a steady stream of bad news: war in Afghanistan, war in Iraq, the wake of the dot-com stock market crash, the rise of Putin, an unpopular President, an unpopular Congress, and now (of course) a stiff recession.  When the GDP contracts over 6% in a quarter and unemployment is headed toward 9%, maybe it’s no surprise that superheroes are on the rise.  Comic books were invented during the Great Depression, and movie ticket sales actually rose in the 1930’s.  Interesting.  At any rate, keep an eye out for Watchmen, opening this Friday – it’s based on the only graphic novel to make Time Magazine’s All-Time 100 Best Books.

Andrew Bird is Full of Magic!

May I have your attention for just one moment, please!

If you like music, you may like Andrew Bird!  He’s a wonderful whistler, violin virtuoso, and great guitarist.  (ooh, consonance!)

Luckily for you, he has a new album coming out in the very near future (January 20, 2009!), and you can listen to it for free at this website:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=98649962

It’s really beautiful.   The music is hard to describe, for me.  I like it very much, though.   The lyrics are abstract.   His vocabulary is impressive.  Please listen.  I think it may save the world.

Experiment: Beautiful Dreamer

Things People Like to Read About

In keeping track of which posts get visited most often and which searches lead visitors to this page, I have discovered what the majority of Internet users want to read about:

• Superheroes
• Clothes.  (Mostly clothes)

Based on this preliminary data, I’m going to try a highly unscientific experiment, which will consist of me writing about superheroes and clothes for awhile and then gauging the reaction…  My hypothesis is that traffic to my site will greatly increase as a result .

 

Female Superheroes

Female Superheroes have much cooler names than male ones, apparently.  I stumbled across this one while scrolling through Wikipedia’s list of female superheroes (it exists! and should definitely be consulted by expectant mothers trying to decide on baby names!) : “Beautiful Dreamer” – Here’s a picture:

 

Beautiful Dreamer is part of a group of superheroes known as “The Forever People,” a group of hippie aliens who live forever, I think, and appeared on earth to fight “Darkseid.”  I have no idea who Darkseid is, but apparently he’s ranked #23 on Wizard’s Top 100 SuperVillains of All Time, which sounds like quite a prestigious honor.

The Forever People ride something called a “MegaCycle,” which is like a motorcycle that can carry a lot of people and probably shoots magical rays or can fly, probably both.  Beautiful Dreamer is a mutant (but a total fox, right?) and can telekinetically kick ass.

 

 

 

Because I think it’s funny, here’s a picture of the Forever People on their Megacycle.  I think that’s Infinity Man in the background – I may have forgotten to mention that the Forever People can combine into Infinity Man, who’s a little like Captain Planet that way.  One thing I was always confused about was where Captain Planet hung out the rest of the time.  Did he even exist until he was called by the four(?) rings of the environment?

 

Awesome.

Panic! At the Law School

FINALS!  Terrifying!

November 1 was when the panic set in.  You could feel it in the air, see it on the faces of the wide-eyed 1L’s.  We had all just wasted an entire weekend on Halloween-related shenanigans, and suddenly it was November – one month ’til finals. 

Finals are all we think, talk, argue, joke, and worry about.  My dreams are law school dreams.  In them, I sometimes try to solve complex Contracts problems using principles of Tort law.  In my dream, my solutions make perfect sense. 

“Of course!  Restitution is only awarded as damages when the Plaintiff assumed the risk!”

I wake up, already tired from thinking all night, and realize that my answers are meaningless gibberish.

I read an opinion in Property today that used the word “nugatory”.  What a word!  It sounds like it somehow involves a delicious candy bar – “creamy nugatory filling!” 

There is a law firm in Michigan actively seeking to recruit 1L summer associates from Iowa.  Apparently, when a firm is trying to break into a law school market, it will often recruit 1L’s, in hopes that they’ll spread the good word about their firm.  I can’t tell you which one it is, though.  The job market is too terrible for generously sharing tips on 1L employers.

-John M. Newman

 

P.S.  Horrible law school joke: “Two 1L’s were studying in the library.   One of them hit the other one over the head with his Torts book and said, ‘That’s ironic!’”

Building the Perfect Law Student, Pt. III: the Jacket

To keep PLS warm and dry in all kinds of nasty weather, he/she needs the Perfect Jacket: the Belstaff Trialmaster Legend.  Made of waxed cotton (a revolutionary, waterproof fabric back in the day), worn by such legendary BA’s as Steve McQueen and Angelina Jolie, and equipped with enough pockets to store all your highlighters (you may laugh now, but every 1L owns highlighters in at least five different colors), pens, pencils, cell phone, wallet, keys, chapstick, loose change, cookies, stray animals, etc., the Trialmaster is possibly the coolest jacket known to man (and woman).

 

In other news, the Examples & Explanations book for Torts is pretty amazing.  I was having trouble with proximate cause while I was in the library outlining the other day, and it turned out to be very helpful.  It’s clear, concise, and possibly worth buying.  In my experience, though, it’s easier (and a lot cheaper) to check out hornbooks/study aids from the library’s circulation desk whenever I need them.  Apparently, no one else realizes this, because they’re never checked out.  Downside: you can only check them out for four hours, and they can’t leave the library…  But did I mention it’s free?

Building the Perfect Law Student, Pt. II: the Jeans

The Perfect Law Student needs the perfect jeans, because professors hate it when their students show up to school wearing only their boxer-briefs/boyshorts. 

Here’s the argument in classic logical form:

Premise 1: PLS needs jeans.
Premise 2: Jeans for PLS must be perfect.
Conclusion: PLS needs perfect jeans.

Why not khakis or cordouroys or sweatpants?  Because jeans are just so perfect, that’s why.  You can dress them up, dress them (way) down; roll them up and look like Tom Sawyer…  They’re amazingly comfortable, warm, durable, and classic.

Perfect Girl Jeans

So, Perfect Law Student (female version) needs these:

“Hunter” by James Jeans. 

Why this particular pair? 

1. First, they’re straight leg, which is a pretty conservative cut that never really goes out of style. 
2. They’re also a dark wash, always classy. 
3. James Jeans is a very cool company.  They use organic cotton and dyes, and they dry-age their jeans in the sun after hand-painting the washes(!)  Cool.  Like James Dean.  James Jeans.

 Perfect Boy Jeans

For Perfect Law Student (male version), I’m going with these:

They’re a little trendier, but you can’t go very wrong with Levi’s.  Why Levi’s?

1. They’ve been around forever, which is always a good sign. 
2. “Levi’s” can be used interchangeably with “jeans,” also a good sign.
3. They’re always built to last. 

This particular pair, “Skinny Stacked” by Levi’s Capital E, is cut super-long so they bunch up around your ankles and feet.  Why?  I’m pretty sure it’s to give a balancing effect to the skinny thigh area, sort of like a boot-cut.  It looks pretty good, anyways.

So, there you have it: Perfect Law Student (male version) is now able to venture out in public without getting arrested, thanks to his perfect Levi’s.  PLS (female version) not so much.  It’s really not fair, is it?

Building the Perfect Law Student: the Boots

This is the first in a series of posts on how I would build a perfect law student.  I’m starting from the ground up, with the boots.  Perfect Law Student needs a solid pair of boots to get him/her through the winter, as he/she should never be late to class because he/she had to walk the long way to avoid puddles, snowdrifts, mud, tall grass, etc. 

Red Wing makes the best boots in the world.  They’re built in Red Wing, Minnesota (American-made!)  Red Wing has been around for 150 years, since 1L’s rode horses to law school and hand-wrote their outlines with quill pens. 

They may cost a little more than a pair of Uggs, but Uggs are ugly, made in Australia, and fall apart after a few short years.  Properly cared for, a pair of Red Wings will last decades.  They’ll probably live longer than you will.

So, here they are: the Red Wing Heritage 1907 boots of the Perfect Law Student:

 

 

The Big Three Killed My Baby

…happens to be the name of one of my favorite songs by The White Stripes.  Its message is becoming more relevant with each new earnings report from the Detroit auto manufacturers.  Everyone knew the Big Three were in trouble, but who suspected GM would be bankrupt by next spring if no one bails them out by then? 

GMAC is offering upwards of 4% on 12-month CD’s, much higher than the national average.  That’s a very bad sign, because it means they’re being forced to pay a premium to lure in customers (since the women and children are heading for the lifeboats to abandon ship).

In other news, Starbucks’ profits were down 97% last quarter, as compared to one year ago.  That’s pretty awful.  Circuit City went bankrupt.  AIG lost another $40-some billion last quarter.  It’s not pretty.

What should you do in this kind of a market?  I have no idea.  It’s a complete train wreck.  Even Warren Buffet is losing money.  There’s absolutely nowhere to hide – municipal bonds aren’t safe (because entire cities are threatened with insolvency?), CD rates don’t even match inflation (unless the bank offering them is about to go bankrupt), commodities are tanking, even gold is down.  It’s irrational.  Where is all the money going?  Under mattresses?

I personally bought shares in Pfizer.  Since their price has been beaten down so low, their dividend yield is now around 7.5%.  They have plenty of cash, relatively little debt, and a stable history of increasing dividends.  Historically, dividend-paying large-caps outperform the broad market coming out of recessions.  The health care sector itself is traditionally “recession-proof”, although I’m not sure there really is such a thing as a “recession-proof industry”.  Finally, all those baby-boomers are getting older, and are going to demand medicine that makes them feel young again.

I guess Jack knew what he was talking about…

“Why don’t you take the day off and try to repair?
A billion others dont seem to care,
Better ideas are stuck in the mud,
The motors runnin’ on truckers’ blood.
Don’t let them tell you the future’s electric,
‘Cause gasoline’s not measured in metric.
Thirty thousand wheels are spinnin’,
And oil company faces are grinnin’.
Now my hands are turnin’ red,
And i found out my baby is dead.”

-”The Big Three Killed My Baby”
Written by Jack White